Mid-life Crisis

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Pat_man
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Mid-life Crisis

Post by Pat_man » Fri Mar 01, 2013 5:32 pm

I was wondering if you could help me in this matter?
I'm a 47 year old man, who by nature is a loner, which I've mentioned on my other posts.
I very rarely speak to women or girls, due to the fact most of them have treated me like I'm the ugliest thing on 2 legs most of my life.
At Christmas, a 23 year old girl started working with me. I worked with her before in a previous job, but had no feelings towards her at the time.
She is always very friendly towards me, which I'm not used to, and as the months have passed this new year, I've become increasingly attracted to her, to the point that I can't stop thinking about her.
She is a friend of mine on Facebook, and I see pictures of her boyfriend. I've closed my Facebook account on numerious occasions because I couldn't handle seeing them together, but I keep going back on it.
I know someone will probably say join a group and meet ladies of my own age, but I don't actually want a girlfriend.
I just want to stop thinking about her. I'm not a "dirty old man," I'm just very confused. Please help. Thanks.

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Pam
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Mid-life Crisis

Post by Pam » Sat Mar 02, 2013 1:11 am

Sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time, Pat_Man.

:votive1:

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AndrewG
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Mid-life Crisis

Post by AndrewG » Sat Mar 02, 2013 9:21 am

Hi Pat - I can relate to mid life crisis. Is this the first woman you have been attracted to this way or is the scarey bit that your interest is potentially reciprocated? If you are very shy or unhappy in a relationships, secret infatuations can feel a safe way to make up for what you are missing. You can be in love without the risks and hurts of a real relationship. That,s fine until it accidentally becomes real - particularly if there are reasons why the relationship would be difficult. Maybe you need to recognise that deep longing in yourself but check whether it is really for this girl or you are just projecting your feelings on to her. You seem to think you are plum ugly but women aren't as hung up on looks as men. Your sensitivity could count for a lot if you found the right woman. Just don't expect too much from a relationship too soon. Getting to know someone takes time. Passion doesn't last long even in the best relationships - companionship and compatability are so much more important. You clearly sense this relationship may not be right for you. Sometimes you have to trust your instincts.
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Ernest
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Mid-life Crisis

Post by Ernest » Sat Mar 02, 2013 11:21 am

Hi Pat,

Andrew has made some helpful suggestions, so I don't have much to add. Only that perhaps she, being kind and compassionate by nature, genuinely likes you as an interesting friend and work colleague. It can be quite easy to misconstrue this treatment as something more than is intended.

To me the sensible course is to treat it as a work friendship and to view the relationship in that light. Being in harmony at work with colleagues is a bonus when often we are not so fortunate.

:votive1: That you are able to come to a situation where you are able to balance your feelings appropriately.
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Pat_man
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Mid-life Crisis

Post by Pat_man » Sat Mar 02, 2013 6:31 pm

Thanks for your advice.
I've just deactivated my Facebook account again, and I'm going to do my best to stay away from it, so I won't see photos of her anymore.
When I see her at work, I'll try to avoid any unnessary contact.
It'll be hard, but if I focus on God, instead of her, hopefully I can put this behind me.
Thanks again.

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Karen
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Mid-life Crisis

Post by Karen » Sat Mar 02, 2013 9:44 pm

:votive1: for you
Ying tong yiddle I po...

Isobel
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Mid-life Crisis

Post by Isobel » Sun Mar 03, 2013 6:10 pm

:votive1:

For strength in your resolution

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Jennifer
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Mid-life Crisis

Post by Jennifer » Sun Mar 03, 2013 6:36 pm

Isobel wrote::votive1:

For strength in your resolution
Amen :votive1:

rolyn
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Mid-life Crisis

Post by rolyn » Sun Mar 03, 2013 8:58 pm

I too would go along with the wise comments from both AndrewG and Ernest .
Glad too hear you are trying hard to keep off Facebook .

I'm not sure how much advice we are allowed to give on this site , but I find good way to de-fuse such situations is too 'ask after' the general well-being of herself and her boyfriend, (in a sincere and genuine manner) . Also try really hard to be happy for them both.
You may find this changes the agenda and allows Grace to become the predominant feature in the friendship you have with a work colleague.

If it is better for you to avoid all 'unnecessary contact' then I can appreciate that .

:votive1: For your confusion to be eased.

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Pam
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Mid-life Crisis

Post by Pam » Sun Mar 03, 2013 11:37 pm

rolyn wrote:I'm not sure how much advice we are allowed to give on this site
I think when someone has asked for advice about a situation they are facing, kind, constructive comments are always welcome.

Obviously, in some situations it's clear that expert support such as a doctor's appointment, counselling or crisis intervention, is needed, and amateur diagnoses & advice should be avoided.

I'm sure the vast majority of people on this site are sensible, and sensitive, enough to understand what is appropriate.

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Mid-life Crisis

Post by rolyn » Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:46 pm

Thanks for clarifying that Pam .

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